Poem to a Sick Mother

Through the haze

I allow myself to remember

You were there for me

In every way you could be

 

You danced

And as you danced you pulled our pain inside yourself

All our pain swirled away in your joy and laughter

 

We walked through the valley of the shadow of death

And made light

For a short time

Before the other face of the coin emerged

And we were thrown to the vermin of the world

 

And your laughter was the façade

That made us come back for more of your love

That made me stuff the reality down, down, down

 

All the way down

All the way to the depths of my inner being

These memories

These fears

Only rearing their head when they release like a whip

Onto my most loved ones

 

All in all

Your love was enough

I’m sorry we couldn't be for you

 

And who are you now?

Now that we left?

Now that you have no one to protect you from yourself?

Now that you have let yourself free of the duties of motherhood?

Now that your soul has been eaten by our pain?

I can see the ember that is left in your heart for us

Through the haze

You allow yourself to remember

For a short time

And we have abandoned you